Divorce

Marriage trends are changing. The average age of first marriage has increased and growing numbers of couples are choosing to live together before marriage or even instead of marrying at all. Increasing numbers of children are born to unmarried mothers. And, divorce rates are around 40 to 50 percent for first marriages. Along with the rising divorce rate, divorce has become more and more acceptable in today’s society. The purpose of marriage has changed to mean more about the individual and less about children and families.

What does this mean for families and society today?

Paul R. Amato (2005) compared children in a household with both biological parents with children in a household with one biological parent. In his studies and research, he was able to answer several questions about the differences between these two groups of children. Amato points out that children with both biological parents married to each other are less likely to experience various cognitive, emotional, and social problems in childhood and into adulthood. He states, “Compared with other children, those who grow up in stable, two parent families have a higher standard of living, receive more effective parenting, experience more cooperative co-parenting, are emotionally closer to both parents (especially fathers), and are subjected to fewer stressful events and circumstances” (p. 89).

What do Latter-Day Saint Church leaders say about divorce?

Elder Dallin H. Oaks stated, “. . . for most marriage problems, the remedy is not divorce but repentance. Often the cause is not incompatibility but selfishness. The first step is not separation but reformation.”

Elder James E. Faust stated, “In my opinion, ‘just cause’ for divorce should be nothing less serious than a prolonged and apparently irredeemable relationship that destroys a person’s dignity as a human being.”

How can we reduce the negative effects of divorce?

I’ve watched many friends and family members go through the incredibly painful experience of divorce. I’ve noticed that children have the most positive outcomes when the parents at least pretend to get along during and after the divorce. Children struggle to handle the pain and stress of being in the middle of fighting parents and choosing sides. It’s best for all involved if everyone can focus their efforts on love and peace.

References:

Amato, P. (Fall, 2005). The impact of family formation change on the cognitive, social, and emotional well-being of the next generation. The Future of Children, 15(2), 75-96.

Faust, J.E. (May 1993). Father, Come Home. Ensign.

Oaks, D.H. (May 2007). Divorce. Ensign.

Comments

Solve Your Solvable Problems

According to John Gottman ( The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work ), couples face two types of problems: perpetual and solvable. Most problems in a marriage are perpetual. Perpetual problems are usually a result of the fact that each spouse has a different personality and different needs. Couples can cope with perpetual problems by accepting them, talking about them, and by trying to handle them with humor. Some examples of perpetual problems that a couple may face are differences in religious beliefs or practices, in parenting styles, and in cleanliness and organization. My friends, John and Sarah, face a common perpetual problem in their marriage. John is messy and Sarah likes to be organized and neat. This could be a source of conflict in their marriage, but each has learned to accept their spouse for who they are. When Sarah sees John's clothes on the flo...

Intimacy in Marriage

In a culture where music, books, television, and even commercials are drenched in sex, it’s amazing that couples still struggle with this aspect of their intimate relationship. However, the message sent through these formats is often distorted and unrealistic. Especially among the conservative and the religious, sex is a taboo topic. These youth are often taught that sex is bad and should be avoided. So, when a couple gets married, they suddenly must change their feelings about sex – a topic which they know little to nothing about. Sean E. Brotherson, in his magazine article, “Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage,” shares what he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” for sexual fulfillment in marriage: ignorance, inhibition, ill-will, and immorality. To address ignorance and inhibition (avoidance of dealing with it) regarding intimacy in marriage, couples should learn what they can about the topic from appropriate sources, such as from the words of the prophets, s...

Turn Toward Each Other

Sometimes marriage can feel overwhelming. The list of things you should be doing can seem daunting and even impossible. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , John Gottman’s third principle for making marriage work is to turn toward each other instead of turning away. It’s actually a very simple principle that requires only a small amount of effort on your part. He explains, “’Turning toward’ operates under a law of positive feedback—like a snowball rolling downhill, it can start small yet generate enormous results. In other words, you don’t have to turn toward your partner in a very dramatic way to see the benefit” (p. 89). You have the opportunity to turn toward your partner when they make a “bid” for your attention, affection, or just for a connection with you. When someone makes a bid for your attention, you have one of two choices. Either you turn toward them or you turn away from them. For example, your wife asks you if her dress makes her look fat....

Marriage

Search This Blog