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Unity in Marriage



The LDS Church is a church that appears to be dominated and led by men with men holding the most prominent positions in the church, such as the First Presidency, the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, stake presidencies, and bishoprics. It would be easy to assume that LDS families should follow this same pattern, with husbands and fathers being in charge. However, this is not the Lord’s way for families. President Gordon B. Hinckley stated, “In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey.” Husbands and wives should work together to make decisions for their families, calling on the Lord for help when they cannot agree.

The most efficient way for couples to work together as equal partners is to participate in family councils. Elder M. Russell Ballard states, “Alma taught, ‘Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good.’ Inviting the Lord to be part of our family council through prayer will improve our relationships with each other. We can, with Heavenly Father and our Savior’s help, become more patient, thoughtful, helpful, forgiving, and understanding as we pray for help. With Their help, we can make our homes a little bit of heaven here on earth.” Executive family councils, with only the husband and wife participating, are a time for the couple to discuss the family’s goals, challenges, and schedules. With the Lord’s help, the couple can counsel together to make decisions and improve family life.

After Elder Ballard gave his talk on family councils in general conference in April 2016, my family started having weekly family councils. Each week, each family member set at least one goal for themselves, such as being more patient, and we agreed on one family goal for the week, such as praying for less contention in the family. Throughout the week, we helped each other to achieve these goals. During family council, we also discussed our weekly schedule and any concerns any family members had, such as a child feeling they needed more one-on-one time with a parent. This was also a time for planning family vacations and family outings with input from each family member.

It can be a challenge to avoid taking over family matters and simply making all the decisions for yourself. It is easier to do what you want to do without having to compromise. Doctrine and Covenants 38:27 reads, “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” The first commandment given to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden was for Adam to “cleave” to Eve and for them to “be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Elder Henry B. Eyring explains that the Atonement of Jesus Christ allows us to be sanctified which then allows us to have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost which leads to unity. We can be more unified as a couple when we keep the commandments and follow the direction of our prophets to hold regular family councils, daily family scripture study, daily family prayer, and weekly family home evening.

References:
Ballard, M.R. (2016, May). Family Councils. Ensign.
Eying, H.B. (1998, May). That We May Be One. Ensign.
Miller, R.B. (2008, March). Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families. Address given at BYU Conference on Family Life in Provo, Utah.

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