Skip to main content

Unity in Marriage



The LDS Church is a church that appears to be dominated and led by men with men holding the most prominent positions in the church, such as the First Presidency, the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, stake presidencies, and bishoprics. It would be easy to assume that LDS families should follow this same pattern, with husbands and fathers being in charge. However, this is not the Lord’s way for families. President Gordon B. Hinckley stated, “In the marriage companionship there is neither inferiority nor superiority. The woman does not walk ahead of the man; neither does the man walk ahead of the woman. They walk side by side as a son and daughter of God on an eternal journey.” Husbands and wives should work together to make decisions for their families, calling on the Lord for help when they cannot agree.

The most efficient way for couples to work together as equal partners is to participate in family councils. Elder M. Russell Ballard states, “Alma taught, ‘Counsel with the Lord in all thy doings, and he will direct thee for good.’ Inviting the Lord to be part of our family council through prayer will improve our relationships with each other. We can, with Heavenly Father and our Savior’s help, become more patient, thoughtful, helpful, forgiving, and understanding as we pray for help. With Their help, we can make our homes a little bit of heaven here on earth.” Executive family councils, with only the husband and wife participating, are a time for the couple to discuss the family’s goals, challenges, and schedules. With the Lord’s help, the couple can counsel together to make decisions and improve family life.

After Elder Ballard gave his talk on family councils in general conference in April 2016, my family started having weekly family councils. Each week, each family member set at least one goal for themselves, such as being more patient, and we agreed on one family goal for the week, such as praying for less contention in the family. Throughout the week, we helped each other to achieve these goals. During family council, we also discussed our weekly schedule and any concerns any family members had, such as a child feeling they needed more one-on-one time with a parent. This was also a time for planning family vacations and family outings with input from each family member.

It can be a challenge to avoid taking over family matters and simply making all the decisions for yourself. It is easier to do what you want to do without having to compromise. Doctrine and Covenants 38:27 reads, “Be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” The first commandment given to Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden was for Adam to “cleave” to Eve and for them to “be one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Elder Henry B. Eyring explains that the Atonement of Jesus Christ allows us to be sanctified which then allows us to have the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost which leads to unity. We can be more unified as a couple when we keep the commandments and follow the direction of our prophets to hold regular family councils, daily family scripture study, daily family prayer, and weekly family home evening.

References:
Ballard, M.R. (2016, May). Family Councils. Ensign.
Eying, H.B. (1998, May). That We May Be One. Ensign.
Miller, R.B. (2008, March). Who is the Boss? Power Relationships in Families. Address given at BYU Conference on Family Life in Provo, Utah.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Solve Your Solvable Problems

                                 According to John Gottman ( The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work ), couples face two types of problems: perpetual and solvable. Most problems in a marriage are perpetual. Perpetual problems are usually a result of the fact that each spouse has a different personality and different needs. Couples can cope with perpetual problems by accepting them, talking about them, and by trying to handle them with humor. Some examples of perpetual problems that a couple may face are differences in religious beliefs or practices, in parenting styles, and in cleanliness and organization. My friends, John and Sarah, face a common perpetual problem in their marriage. John is messy and Sarah likes to be organized and neat. This could be a source of conflict in their marriage, but each has learned to accept their spouse for who they are. When Sarah sees John's clothes on the flo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Intimacy in Marriage

In a culture where music, books, television, and even commercials are drenched in sex, it’s amazing that couples still struggle with this aspect of their intimate relationship. However, the message sent through these formats is often distorted and unrealistic. Especially among the conservative and the religious, sex is a taboo topic. These youth are often taught that sex is bad and should be avoided. So, when a couple gets married, they suddenly must change their feelings about sex – a topic which they know little to nothing about. Sean E. Brotherson, in his magazine article, “Fulfilling the Sexual Stewardship in Marriage,” shares what he calls the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse” for sexual fulfillment in marriage: ignorance, inhibition, ill-will, and immorality. To address ignorance and inhibition (avoidance of dealing with it) regarding intimacy in marriage, couples should learn what they can about the topic from appropriate sources, such as from the words of the prophets, s...
Post a Comment
Read more

Turn Toward Each Other

Sometimes marriage can feel overwhelming. The list of things you should be doing can seem daunting and even impossible. In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , John Gottman’s third principle for making marriage work is to turn toward each other instead of turning away. It’s actually a very simple principle that requires only a small amount of effort on your part. He explains, “’Turning toward’ operates under a law of positive feedback—like a snowball rolling downhill, it can start small yet generate enormous results. In other words, you don’t have to turn toward your partner in a very dramatic way to see the benefit” (p. 89). You have the opportunity to turn toward your partner when they make a “bid” for your attention, affection, or just for a connection with you. When someone makes a bid for your attention, you have one of two choices. Either you turn toward them or you turn away from them. For example, your wife asks you if her dress makes her look fat....
Post a Comment
Read more